I sit in a room covered with writing that depicts moments of crazy,mad,love and joyful moments. As Brandon plays the guitar and Casey, shirtless of course, adds his voice along with Cara and Tyler’s I can’t help feel as if everything is perfect in the world. Its times like these I really wish I knew the words to more songs but music has never been something that has stuck in my head that way, not like movies. This family that has added me to theirs has made me want to learn more music and words to songs. I know they will be in my life forever.
This is the motel room I really realized me and Chris are better as friends, I’d rather be friends then not in each others life at all.
Let me try and describe the room I’m in now that my noes isn’t packed with cereal making me see the world in a warped sense of reality.
It’s a motel room, two full sized beds and a full fridge. The AC is blowing full blast and there are psycadelic posters covering the walls, some of turning spinning kaleidoscope images, others of ganja goddesses holding cannabis leaves in their hands breathing in the aroma filling the room, Hindu prince and princesses with their elephant babies and pictures of cities we’ve only dreamed or heard and rarely had the chance to seen along with the dancing dead bears keeping rhythm with our tenacious vibes.
Last night was an experience to remember, my heart being pulled in two different directions. To this boy I’ve seen go to hell and back, the one I’ve tried to take some pain away from him and give me some of the burden so he isn’t hurting so much. Tears of sadness, longing and wanting for a life. Tongue tied words not able to express myself the way I’d like, I love you I’m your soulmate but can we have multiple ones? If this were reversed and I were you would I be able to take me with someone else? You utter the words I want you to be mine and I’m left spiraling out of control deeper into this hole I’ve excavated for myself.
I pray to the universe for direction and guidance. Help me find the right way. You’ve showed me so much and I’m listening and trying to learn. I only want for good and happiness.
